Vous avez le Syndrome Mom concurrentiel ?

Mothers who go to extraordinary lengths to ensure that their children outdo others in academics, sports, hobbies, etc. Competitive moms push their children so much that they end up burdening their children with unreasonable expectations.Now, let's be honest, every mom is competitive to a certain extent. Some mothers though, take it to an altogether new level. It starts from comparing baby bumps in antenatal classes and continues through to the method of delivery - cesarean or natural, losing post-pregnancy weight, right up to the behavior and development of the child. It is just a never-ending quest which initiates once a woman knows that she is pregnant. While, maternal pride is a natural human instinct, some mothers overdo it.

They do not realize the amount of pressure they exert on their children. Moreover, these mothers go on to belittle other children and their mothers in order to prove that their child is better. They continuously praise their child in front of others, and undermine the intelligence and capability of others.

The term used to describe such behavior is known as the 'competitive mom syndrome'. If you are knowingly or unknowingly acting like a competitive mother, here is a list of symptoms which you should check.

You Suffer from Competitive Mom Syndrome If You...... cannot bear to see your child losing.
You swear there was foul play when your toddler did not win the local ''Sweetest Child'' pageant.
Every mother thinks that her child deserves to win in life but beware, and do not overreact if your child doesn't stand first in some game or contest. If you blame others for this or throw a tantrum, then it will only portray you in a bad light. As far as the child is concerned, he/she is too young to bother about winning or losing, he/she would rather be happy playing with his/her pals.

... can teach your child to bend the rules.
You ask your child to cheat in order to win the treasure hunt.
Winning is so essential for these moms that they even resort to cheating in any contest or game that their child participates in. I know a person who instructed her five-year-old to "beg, borrow or steal" but win the treasure hunt. Just imagine the kind of example you will be setting for your child at such an impressionable age. Instead, you could just explain to them that winning is not as important as playing fair and ethical behavior.

... overrate your child's performance.
You tell everyone that your baby's incoherent first word was in French.
The first word a baby utters can be very special for any parent, and they take immense pride in telling everyone about it. However, competitive parents give it an all together new meaning. They like to resort to hyper-parenting and love to tell others about the baby's larger than life achievements. Even though, the parents might not know a single word in French, they like to believe that their baby is a little language prodigy. The solution, refrain from overrating your child's behavior.

... constantly compare your child with others.
You keep comparing your child's height and weight charts with those of your friend's children.
There is definitely a vast difference in showing concern about your friend's child and trying to portray that your child is healthier. Mothers who are ultra competitive ignore the fact that such comparison might hurt their friends and hamper their relations. They do not hold back, when it comes to criticizing other children. Every kid is unique in his or her own way and it is important that we appreciate this difference.

... cannot let go of small follies made by your child.
You get disappointed because your child scores A instead of an A+.
To a regular mom, it will just be a temporary slip in the grades, but to a competitive parent it is catastrophic. These parents want their children to excel in every aspect of life. They are especially on the tenterhooks when it comes to the academic grades. Sometimes, it is important to let go and motivate the child to do better next time. Competitive moms, may get severely upset even at a minor change in grades.

... can lie to promote your child's achievements.
You tell everyone that your child is playing Snow White, even when she gets the part of the mirror.
This is a major NO-NO. Many mothers like to portray themselves as super-moms with super-kids who always get the best of everything. If a child doesn't get a lead role in the school drama, you should boost him to execute whatever part he/she is playing excellently. By lying about it, competitive or alpha moms not only set a wrong example but also make the child feel inferior.

... can burden the child with your expectations.
The only bedtime stories you read to your child are biographies of great people.
Yes of course the right type of mental fodder is going to help in molding your child's mind. However, alpha moms often forget the age of the child and expect too many things quickly. They need to understand that children must be treated according to their age. They should be told fairy tales and fictional stories which are appropriate for their age. Burdening the child unnecessarily, should be avoided.

... brag about your child's achievements.
You record your child's first musical performance and show it to your friends, claiming that he is the next Mozart.
In their quest to prove that their child is the best, competitive mothers often lose their grip on reality. Every child requires encouragement so that it inspires him/her do greater things, but being dishonest about it will not help. Many times, these uber competitive mothers go overboard in their appreciation and expectations. Others might find this trait to be very distasteful. Also, it is important to be honest with the child about his/her progress and growth.

... are obsessed with your child's development.
You buy IQ enhancing toys for your baby's first Christmas.
Competitive moms are always keen on the overall mental and physical development of their child. Oftentimes, this leads them to buy toys and books which deal more with education than fun. Children enjoy playing with toys that are creative and tend to keep them engaged. Unless, educational toys are capable of engaging the child, they will not serve the purpose. So give the child something that he/she will truly value and thoroughly enjoy.

... get disappointed when the child does not behave as you please.
You make a mountain out of a mole hill when your toddler builds a sand mountain instead of sand castle.
For a regular parent, a child not behaving according to her idea of "perfection" may be okay. But for an alpha mother, when a child does not live up to her expectations, it is a huge loss on her part. She feels that she has failed as a mother. This actually may not be true, as every child will express himself or herself in his or her own unique creative way.

... share pictures and videos of your child's every small conquest.
You bore your friends and family with videos and photos of everything your child does.
I know all moms do it, and who doesn't love to talk about the joy of their lives. But unfortunately, competitive parents can overdo it a bit, which leads to people getting over bored. Jokes apart, they not only shoot photos and videos about anything and everything related to their children but they also make it a point to show it to whoever comes to their house. All this gets appreciated to a certain extent, but after a point of time, people really aren't interested in knowing what an excellent hand-eye coordination your baby has, or how easily he picked up instructions during the potty training sessions.

It is important that instead of pushing your child to be an achiever, you should spend quality time with him. It is essential that children know that they are loved unconditionally. Owing to the competitive mother's constant efforts, if they keep comparing themselves, the child may not grow up to be a confident and self-assured individual. For their overall development, it is important that children feel secured and loved at all times. Unnecessarily pressurizing them to win will only push them in the opposite direction.

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Est le fossé entre les générations bon ou mauvais ?

... que dans les annees 1960, en raison d'un changement dans les attitudes sociales, il est degage un fosse ideologique entre les generations jeunes et plus agees, qui a ete nomme comme un fosse entre les generations.Il y a deux choses importantes, aucun etre humain ne peut eviter - de plus en plus vieille et la mort. Avec chaque jour qui passe, nous, les humains se developpent plus ages et supposement plus mature. Chaque moment semble avoir quelque chose ou l'autre en reserve pour nous ; Nous avons tendance a prendre beaucoup d'experiences, bonnes et mauvaises. Mais, plus important encore, nous avons tendance a apprendre de nos experiences et de nos erreurs. Assez, notamment, tout ce que nous apprenons est entierement base sur les normes en vigueur, qui sont repandus dans la societe dans laquelle nous sommes nes et a grandi. Elle depend aussi le genre d'atmosphere familiale qu'ou nous vivons, qui a son tour, est aussi largement influence par les tendances sociales.

Il est donc tout a fait evident pour une personne ne et a grandi dans les annees 1800 d'avoir un etat d'esprit completement different de celui ne et a grandi dans les annees 1900 ou version ulterieure. Le probleme se pose lorsque les gens appartenant a differentes generations commencent a tenter d'imposer leurs points de vue les uns des autres. Cette lutte acharnee est communement appelee le ? fosse des generations ?. Fosse des generations peut donc etre defini comme la difference d'opinions et perspectives des personnes appartenant a deux generations differentes.

Fosse des generations peut-etre benefique ?
? Je suppose que chaque generation a une vanite de lui-meme qui eleve, a son propre avis, superieur a celui qui vient apres elle. ? Avec toutes les implications que la generation gap peut avoir, il peut etre bonnes et mauvaises. C'est bien parce qu'il permet aux personnes appartenant a differentes generations de regarder la meme chose avec des perspectives differentes. Il cultive aussi au sein de la population, une attitude d'assimilation et de la tolerance. Ce qui est encore plus important est le fait qu'elle ouvre des arenes de nouvelles idees et les pensees des gens. Il aide egalement les personnes d'experience et d'apprendre de nouvelles choses et technologies, qui a long terme peuvent aider dans un excellent moyen. Toutefois, il est important pour les gens d'apprendre a lacher prise et donner un sens aigu, ear et pense aux problemes et aux interpretations de la jeune generation.

Fosse entre les generations peuvent se pour reveler mauvais lorsque les personnes refusent d'ecouter l'autre generation ou de rejeter leurs idees completement. Cela peut entrainer dans les relations mauvaises et brisees. Mais, meme s'il peut y avoir apparemment grands conflits ideologiques entre les differentes generations, les surmonter et de combler le fosse entre les generations sont possible. La seule chose que les gens doivent faire est d'ouvrir leurs esprits et accepter de nouvelles choses avec un c?ur ouvert. Bien sur, le bon et le mauvais de filtrage est toujours vital, mais cela depend de la configuration sociale d'une epoque particuliere. La cle de base est ? changer ?, qui doit etre incorpore dans la vie.

Determinants d'un fosse entre les generations
Conflits, majeurs et mineurs se produisent partout. Mais, fosse des generations a certains determinants particuliers. C'est du au fait que chaque generation a ses propres tendances et ses propres facons de voir les choses et de les interpreter.

? Le determinant tout d'abord d'un fosse entre les generations evidente est la langue que les gens de differentes generations peuvent utiliser. Par exemple, dans une famille, les grands-parents peuvent preferer s'exprimer dans une langue maternelle, les parents pourraient preferer la langue nationale actuelle, tandis que les enfants peuvent utiliser l'argot alors qu'ils parlent. Il est egalement possible que les generations ulterieures pourraient ne pas savoir la langue parlee par les anciens. Cela peut creer une sorte de fosse entre deux generations.

? un autre facteur evident qui determine un fosse entre les generations est le choix de vetements. Chaque generation a leur choix de vetements (cela ne concerne pas la mode mais le genre de vetements, qui sont portes). Il est assez evident dans de nombreux cas que les gens de l'ancienne generation n'aiment pas assez la tenue que porte les jeunes generations parfois. En revanche, jeunes font valoir que leurs vetements sont dans et a la mode et rejeter ceux portes par leurs parents et grands-parents comme etant tres mal a l'aise et demodee.

? Le troisieme et le plus important determinant du fosse entre les generations est la quantite de technologie qui est utilisee par des personnes de generations differentes. Avec le passage du temps et des progres technologiques plus, la jeune generation plus tard et les technologies les plus avancees a leur disposition. Ils croient qu'ils peuvent obtenir pratiquement n'importe quoi par un simple clic d'un bouton. Plusieurs fois cette hypothese ou la vue est contestee par l'ancienne generation, disant que la jeune generation est entierement tributaire de la technologie et qu'il ne peut pas voler de leur propres.

En dehors de ceux mentionnes ci-dessus, il y a de nombreux autres facteurs identification d'un fosse entre les generations. Le point etant que ces facteurs, qui semblent simples sur la surface, ont une capacite d'etirer la rupture entre les deux generations a un point que relations peuvent en fait se briser. Toutefois, en maintenant une attitude positive, parfois, un peut resoudre les problemes poses par le fosse des generations. Si les prises d'une maniere positive, fosse des generations peut creer un melange parfait et harmonieux de la passion et le courage des jeunes et de l'experience et la sagesse des anciens.

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Conseils utiles pour lutter contre le Syndrome de la princesse de votre fille

A daughter is one of the most beautiful gifts this world has to give. --- Laurel Atherton

What? Did you not expect a 'but' there? Did you think that daughters could never be a menace? Did you think that daughters could never be innocent criminals, pouting away their rosy lips and blinking away their bright eyes to forgiveness? You might be in for a little surprise.

Has your daughter been reading fairy tales and stories about princesses? Has she been religiously following beauty magazines and beauty pageants? Are your daughter's tantrums, conditions, emotional blackmailing episodes, and demands, on the rise?

Take a look at the following scenarios.

Princess Syndrome is a psychological irregularity that hits girls of all ages - toddlers, little girls, teenagers, and young adults. Girls affected by this syndrome are wishful thinkers, who believe they are entitled to nothing but the best of everything. If not corrected in time, these mannerisms could prevail and continue to exist over time. It is not a medical condition, but it does have its own set of causes and symptoms.

The symptoms could be as subtle as pouting, foot-stomping, frowning more often, focusing only on pretty things, and wearing clothes from only certain brands, or they could be as aggressive as self-obsessing, throwing tantrums, bossing around, being narcissistic... the list is long.

However, the three most important characteristics that define Princess Syndrome perfectly are: Girls with an acute sense of entitlement.
They just make demands. Not only do they expect that their demands get fulfilled, but they also expect that this should happen without they themselves working towards it. Girls with the highest pride and self-esteem.
They are bossy. These girls are arrogant, and feed their ego with the belief that they are perfect, and that their perfection deserves nothing but the best. Girls with impractical expectations from people and life.
Narcissism. They think the world revolves around them. These girls expect the world around them and the people in it to be perfect, and are disappointed when their expectations are not met.
Princesses? Lovable. Princess Syndrome? As attractive and delightful as it may sound, definitely not lovable!

Girls stand for elegance, poise, cuteness, sweetness, and kindness. They are meant to be adorable, funny, charismatic and gorgeous. Whoever likes girls who are arrogant, unkind, egoistic, pretentious, smug, boastful, and self-centered! Yeah, I didn't think so.

So what do you do? Tell your daughter flat-out that she is not a princess? That she is not meant to be one? That she is just a normal girl who is expected not to dream of a life where fairy tales could be a possibility? Of course not. You don't want her to think that she is not precious. You want to make her believe that she is 'one in a million', but, 'the one' who everybody loves, 'the one' whose presence lights up the room, 'the one' who is adored for her kindness and sweet nature, 'the one' whose aura radiates confidence, yet approachability.

If your daughter has been displaying signs of the Princess Syndrome, fret not. It is in the nature of girls, young and old, to be airy and playful at heart. With the right kind of upbringing and reactions to actions, your girl would turn out to be just the fine princess everybody loves - pretty, yet humble, confident, yet gracious, and beautiful, yet kind.

Fairy tales: Don't let them mislead her!
Childhood is an innocent age. A magical age. It would not be completely right to tell your sweetheart daughter that fairy tales and princesses are lies. But it would be completely wrong to let her believe that her life is going to be a fairy tale.

Sleeping Beauty did nothing but sleep for a hundred years until her Prince Charming came looking for her, kissed her, and woke her up. The two fell in love with each other, got married, and lived happily ever after. Well, apparently.

Cinderella was visited by a fairy Godmother, who just had to swish her magic wand to transform her and her situation, for good.

The lesson here that you teach your daughter is that, someone will reach out for her, but that needn't be the case every time. She will need to take a stand for herself, make her own decisions, be independent, work for herself, and not just wait for a male, father figure, or fairy to fulfill her needs and desires. Although believing in magic is a sign of hope, just sitting there, waiting for magic to happen is completely uncalled-for.

Competence over beauty! Character over appearances!
When you talk about princesses, the first things that come to mind are exquisite tiaras, elegant, long and flowing silk gowns, pretty hairdos, and attractive eyes and faces dolled up to perfection. Girls with the Princess Syndrome deal with the obsession of looking pretty all the time, and only wear clothes that come from a certain high-end brand.

Vintage fairy tale princesses as well as the modern-day models and actresses, who are 'make-believe perfect beauties' are to blame. Make your little girl understand that superficial beauty does not stay forever. What is needed is competence, character, intelligence, and wisdom. Make sure you teach her well enough that 'knowledge is power'.

The lesson to be learned here is that superficial beauty is not the only kind of beauty. No matter what, you will never succeed in keeping her away from beauty magazines. What you can do is, make sure she knows about women who have accomplished enormous feats at every level, and have been acknowledged and held in the highest regard by the world; irrespective of their physical appearances.

Stop being the dad in shining armor!
Unlike in fairy tales and lives of princesses, life is not always a joyride. If it is one for you now, the sooner you realize that it will not always be, the better it is for you (better to be prepared rather than sorry!). Remember, it starts with you. Your kid follows you and learns from your actions.

Your daughter is bound to face difficulties, go through ups and downs, and face competition at every stage. Shielding her from all these possible negative influences with the intention of keeping her from getting hurt or demoralized will only make her weaker and incompetent. Understand that you will not be there for her always. What happens when she is stuck in a situation where you cannot play the role of SuperDad or SuperMom? Competitions, bad phases, fights, when faced with the right spirit, will make her stronger, instill individuality, develop a positive self-esteem, teach her to be self-sufficient, create a realistic body image, and she will able to stand up for herself. Competitions - she will win some, and of course, she will lose some. Being a sore loser is a symptom of Princess Syndrome.

Teach her to accept her shortcomings and work towards overcoming them. Self-reliance is the biggest lesson you can teach her.

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Pourquoi les tout-petits ont-ils des crises de colère ?

Crises de colere chez les jeunes enfants produisent les plus ages 1-2, car c'est quand les tout-petits comprennent plus qu'ils ne peuvent exprimer.

Bout de votre patience. Vous l'avez perdu maintenant et vous que soit satisfaire ses demandes incorrigibles - qui calme vers le bas et le rend heureux, ludique et bon aller maintenant - ou vous perdez votre sang froid, ce qui aggrave la situation avec une bonne demi-heure gaspille essayant de calmer et de raisonner avec lui.

Cela vous semble familier ? Une situation qui que vous font face tous les deux jours qui souvent vous laisse impuissant, parfois en colere, frustre et gene ou apologetique dans un lieu public. Eh bien, bonne nouvelle. Cet article Buzzle vous eduque sur la science derriere les crises de colere chez les jeunes enfants, comment traiter avec eux et suggere aussi certaines choses a faire et lorsque les enfants se comportent mal et piquer une crise.

Science derriere les crises de colere
? Crises de colere se produisent pour une raison chez les enfants, surtout ages de 1 a 3 ans. Il n'est pas de vous etre un mauvais parent ou elever un enfant gate, mais une toute nouvelle phase de developpement et d'apprentissage qu'ils traversent. Ces crises de colere sont un moyen de laisser leur frustration, colere, ou les sensations fortes qu'ils sont incapables de s'exprimer en raison d'une comprehension limitee de la langue. Les explosions sont leur maniere de reagir a ces emotions negatives.

? La partie du cerveau appelee le cortex prefrontal, qui regule les emotions et le comportement social, commence a se developper et murir a l'age de 4 ans. Jusqu'alors les tout-petits n'ont pas la maitrise de soi et l'inhibition de surmonter ces emotions negatives. Par consequent, ils reagissent avec l'unique option possible qu'ils savent - jetant un ajustement.

? les enfants, surtout les tout-petits, sentent emotionnellement securise et gratuit en presence de leurs parents. Ils savent que les parents vont etre la pour eux et les aime peu importe comment ils se comportent. Apres etre bon pour si longtemps a la garderie ou la creche, il est donc frequent que leurs emotions s'ecoule lorsque les parents autour.

? les tout-petits sont intelligents, et les crises de colere sont leur facon de cherche l'attention des parents. Ils veulent etre entendus ou pris en charge, et ils savent qu'en jetant un ajustement ou de se comporter mal ils obtiennent toute l'attention.

? Gina Mireault, Ph.d., professeur de psychologie a Johnson State College, au Vermont, affirme, ? enfants cet age pensent comme par magie, pas logiquement. Les evenements qui sont d'ordinaires nous sont confus et effrayant pour eux." Bien que cela puisse paraitre ridicule et stupide pour nous, dans leur monde ces choses d'importance, et ils essayeront et mener leurs propres experiences pour prouver des choses. Ils sont curieux et faire connaitre le monde plus grand qu'ils sont soudainement exposes a.

? Ils sont incapables de comprendre pourquoi leurs parents sont toujours nier, gronder, ou qui les empeche de faire quelque chose.

? Il est une peur de l'abandon par les parents, rivalite, confusion, attentes n'etant ne pas remplies, une longue attente pour les besoins a satisfaire et anxiete presque quotidiennement. Si les parents connaissent les declencheurs d'une crise de colere, alors il est plus facile de traiter avec eux.

Crises de colere semblent se produire au pire moment possible. Voici quelques cas qui peuvent compenser enfants ou declencher une crise de colere.

Inconfort physique ? - comme la faim et la fatigue ou le manque de sommeil
Surcharge emotionnelle ?, peur, excitation, frustration ou manque d'attention.
? Le desir d'independance et de faire quelque chose de leur propre chef.
? Curiosite a explorer le monde et comprendre ce qui peut se traduire par mauvais comportement.
? l'ennui et assis inactif pendant une longue periode.
? Changement dans la routine – ce qui peut les rendre mal a l'aise et maussade.
? Incapacite a effectuer une tache ou s'exprimer.
? eux se precipiter d'une activite a l'autre sans avertissement prealable.

Essayant d'eviter les choses qui declenchent ou commencent une crise de colere peut etre difficile au debut, mais avec le temps vos observations et des idees vous aidera mieux connaitre ce qui declenche votre enfant et la facon de traiter avec lui. Si vous etes au courant des declencheurs ou des situations qui donnent lieu a des crises de colere chez les jeunes enfants, puis avec un petit reglage de planification et mineur, vous pouvez essayer de les empecher.

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Grands cadeaux liés à la bière pour la fête des pères

Biere est la preuve que Dieu nous aime et veut que nous soyons heureux.
Fete des peres est une celebration de l'amour inconditionnel, que notre pere nous confere et l'effort qu'il prend dans de la famille et d'elever des enfants. Celebree le troisieme dimanche de chaque mois de juin, cette journee a ete inspiree par la celebration de la fete des meres. Il y a plusieurs histoires autour de comment ce jour a ete lance. Toutefois, l'element commun a toutes ces histoires est que, c'est un jour qui honore la contribution du pere dans nos vies.

Pour celebrer la fete des peres cette annee, aller un peu au-dela de ces cliches cartes de voeux et bouquets de boutons de manchettes qui ajoutent seulement a l'image de fond dans le placard. Que diriez-vous de surprendre votre pere cette annee avec des cadeaux lies a la biere ? S'il est un abstinent complete, puis nous avons quelques surprises pour lui aussi.

Alors que la ci-dessous enumeres sont des marchandises liees a biere, il y a plusieurs facons de celebrer ce theme. Par exemple, vous pouvez surprendre votre papa avec un groupe de biere et barbecue avec toute la famille, ou vous pouvez aller a la peche avec votre pere avec une caisse pleine de sa biere preferee. Pensez un peu hors des sentiers battus pour que cette fete des peres soit unique. Alors, sans plus tarder, Voici quelques-uns des plus grands dons lies a la biere pour la fete des peres exprimer votre amour et affection.

Cadeau de lui une trousse pour brasser sa propre biere la biere. Le kit est tout ce que votre pere devra apporter une bonne biere a la maison. En effet, le fait de fabriquer de la biere peut etre une activite commune pour toute la famille. Le kit comprendra un pot de cuisinier, grains, houblon, levure et quelques saveurs pour votre premiere infusion maison.

Tout connaisseur de spiritueux aime une bonne collection de verres pour servir ses boissons. Ajouter a la collection de votre pere avec verres a biere bien concu, un bon plateau de bois texture et les contenants de biere. Biere conteneurs vont de verres a tubes grosse biere. Avec une telle diversite, il y a une enorme etendue de choix. Et si vous voulez vraiment rendre special, vous pouvez obtenir ces personnalise trop !

Ceux-ci ne sont pas seulement des objets utiles a la barre, mais sont egalement interessants accessoires. Avec ceux qui sont incorpores dans les chaussures, ceintures, housses de telephone cellulaire et autres endroits impensables, trouver un decapsuleur qui est vraiment inhabituel. Une boucle de ceinture avec une motorisation peut etre un excellent complement a la garde-robe et un cadeau lucratif pour les amateurs de biere. Mais soyez prudent maintenant, les plus de bouteilles que vous ouvrez, plue la ceinture sera autour de la taille !

Gatez votre pere avec abonnement d'un mois d'un club de biere. Ou mieux encore, l'etendre a son anniversaire ou la prochaine fete des peres. Plusieurs micro-brasseries offrent ces abonnements. Vous pouvez faire encore plus specifique en achetant un abonnement pour sa biere favorite comme une ale, lager, amers, stouts secs et ainsi de suite.

Une collection de recettes seraient parfaitement de biere vient completer la kit que vous prevoyez faire don de votre papa la biere. En outre, la collecte des recettes servira egalement de conseils pour cuisiner avec de la biere. Il serait certainement un delice a croquer sur ces saucisses mijote a la biere, tout en sirotant une biere bien fraiche sur un dimanche apres-midi paresseux.

Un cadeau vraiment pratique de biere liees serait une tireuse de biere bon pour le bar. C'est disponible en plusieurs tailles et formes. Par exemple, une tour avec la lumiere, les formes funky et ces autres conceptions interessantes. Cela peut certainement etre un beau cadeau de fete des peres axes sur la biere.

Il existe plusieurs magazines dedies a des aspects tels que la biere fait, festivals de biere dans le monde, biere desservant accessoires et ainsi de suite. Un abonnement de ces magazines s'ouvre un monde de nouvelles idees pour votre pere.

D'accord, parfois il peut etre extremement difficile de trouver le cadeau parfait pour la fete des peres. Pensez un peu plus difficile sur les interets et les loisirs de votre pere de lui trouver ce bon cadeau. Espoir, ces plaisir cadeaux biere gourmet vous aide a faire de cette fete des peres inoubliable ! A bientot !

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Cheap flights: 'extras' go sky high as airline prices take off for summer

Going on a budget flight? Make sure you check in your luggage before you get to the airport – a 20kg bag on a flight to the Canaries will cost ￡140 otherwise. Photograph: Paul Brown/Rex

Holidaymakers flying abroad with budget airlines face much steeper costs than last year for "extra" services such as baggage and travelling with babies. While fees for using a credit card to book flights have fallen following new rules clamping down on these money-spinning surcharges, airlines are finding plenty of other ways to claw back revenue.

Worldwide, airlines raked in a staggering $27.1bn (￡17.3bn) in extra charges and fees last year, according to research by aviation consultancy IdeaWorksCompany. This is almost 20% higher than 2011, and more than double the amount airlines earned from charges in 2009. With fees continuing to rise, this year's total is likely to be even higher.

Bob Atkinson, travel expert at Travelsupermarket.com, says: "Before you book, it's vital to check what additional fees you'll incur – don't assume all airlines are the same, as fees for 'extras' vary widely."

Airlines have been steadily ratcheting up checked-in baggage charges. Ryanair, one of the worst culprits for extra costs, has raised the charge to check in a 20kg bag into the hold on selected flights to the Canary Islands and Greece from ￡40 last summer, to ￡45 between June and September this year. This adds up – a family of four booking return flights to Greece and taking one 20kg bag each would pay ￡360. If you want to take a 15kg bag to these destinations, the cost has risen from ￡30 to ￡35 each way.

Baggage charges to other destinations remain unchanged, but the cheapest fee for checked-in baggage this summer is ￡25 per bag per flight, or ￡15 if you fly during low season.

If you fail to check in bags when booking online, and leave it until you reach the airport, you will face a mammoth ￡140 per 20kg bag per flight if flying to the Canaries or Greece, up from ￡130 last year. This would set the same family of four back a budget-busting ￡560 one-way, or ￡1,120 return.

If you want to avoid steep checked-in baggage costs, you can take one item of cabin baggage free, but this must be no bigger than 55 x 40 x 20cm and cannot weigh more than 10kg.

EasyJet has also increased baggage charges, raising the maximum cost of taking a 20kg suitcase on flights from ￡18 to ￡19, making the cost to take a bag to your chosen holiday destination and back as much as ￡38. These fees apply to longer flights; short-haul destinations start from ￡8 per bag per flight, depending on the route and season.

From 2 July easyJet is introducing a "guarantee" that you will be able to keep a bag with you in the cabin rather than being obliged to put it into the hold if the cabin lockers are full, provided it measures no more than 50 x 40 x 20cm. However, of 21 cabin suitcases tested by the consumers' association Which?, only three met the smaller size requirements .

You can still choose to take a bag up to the current maximum size of 56 x 45 x 25cm but it may have to go into the hold. If your bag exceeds this size, easyJet will charge you ￡25 at the check-in, or ￡40 at the boarding gate.

Costs on Ryanair flights have also shot up. It will now set you back ￡30 each way to take a child under two on your lap, up from ￡20 last summer.

Similarly, Monarch has increased the cost of an infant ticket from ￡15 to ￡20 each way.

Caroline Lloyd, travel insurance spokesman at comparison site Gocompare.com, says: "Sometimes the cost of a toddler sitting on your lap can be more than the flight. It is vital for families with children not to simply be lured by the headline price."

The only charges to have fallen are those to book flights by credit card after rules were introduced in April preventing excessive surcharges. For example, Jet2 and Monarch now each charge 2.5% if you book by credit card, down from 3.6% and 4% respectively last year. However, research by Travelsupermarket.com reveals that several providers have raised or introduced booking or administration fees.

Aer Lingus has increased its each-way booking fee of ￡6 per person to ￡7, although it no longer charges for credit or debit cards.

EasyJet introduced a ￡9 flat booking fee last year. This has now risen to ￡10, which is in addition to its 2.5% charge if you pay by credit card.

Sarita Charman, 39, a writer from Corby, Northamptonshire, was shocked to discover that extra charges bumped up the cost of flights to and from Majorca with partner Tim Walvin, 47, and his daughter Elly, 13, by more than ￡200.

She said: "We used the comparison site Skyscanner.com to find the cheapest flights there and back, but it was when we got to the booking stage that the fun with the extra charges started."

The family booked their outbound flight with Jet2, at an initial cost of ￡73 per person, or ￡219 for the three of them. They were then charged ￡6 each for an online check-in, plus ￡17 each to take a bag. There was a further ￡7 per person to book seats together, but they opted for their seats to be automatically allocated.

The basic cost of their return flights with Ryanair was ￡51.84 per person, so ￡155.52 for the three of them. However, they paid a further ￡35 each to take a 20kg bag, as well as an administration fee of ￡7 per person and an online check-in fee of ￡7 per person. Only the lowest promotional fares with Ryanair include the online check-in fee .

They were charged an additional ￡2.50 per person for Ryanair's "EU261" levy, which was introduced to fund compensation for passengers caught up in delays and cancellations, alongside other taxes, charges and fees.

These add-ons increased the total cost of the flights to ￡394.24. Charman says: "It doesn't take an idiot to work out the extra charges have more than doubled the cost of?the fare. I call this nothing short of highway robbery."

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Dads aren't duds. They deserve a better deal | Observer editorial

Shameless and the archetypal 'deadbeat dad'. Photograph: Channel 4

Today, as millions of dads enthusiastically unwrap socks, chocolates, books, ties and booze, celebrating Father's Day, marvelling at the ingenuity of their newly born babies and children for choosing exactly the right gift, some may also be grateful for a little respite from the paternal pasting that has dominated the media for several days.

A paper from the right-of-centre thinktank the Centre for Social Justice reported that a million children were growing up without fathers (although that is not necessarily synonymous with growing up without any positive adult males in a child's life). Research indicates that this may have an impact on a young person's prospects, not least because it often also involves poverty.

Last week, a man was charged with spraying the word "Help" on a portrait of the Queen in Westminster Abbey, apparently following a dispute over access to his children. And the parenting website Netmums conducted a survey in which nine out of 10 respondents said that negative stereotypes of fathers on television and in books and magazines ridiculed dads as hapless and inadequate.

Whether it's Homer Simpson, Peppa Pig or the Channel 4 series Shameless, Dad is too often portrayed as a dud. Fathers face a conundrum. If they are present, they are traditionally portrayed as malevolent. If they are absent, they are feckless. At best, when they are putting bread on the table, they are distant. And if they do try to leave the office in time to fetch and carry children, male colleagues are inclined to view them as wimps.

Yet, as work by Adrienne Burgess and others has eloquently revealed, through the ages many fathers have cared – and passionately. "Hush thee, my babby/ Lie still with thy daddy/ Thy mammy has gone to the mill," runs a song for the nursery published in 1805.

Today, Labour MP David Lammy has published a report, Doing Family: Encouraging Active Fatherhood, in which he rightly calls for a number of changes including improved paternal and parental rights and manageable paid working hours.

Today's dad spends two hours with his offspring, compared with only 15 minutes three decades ago. The majority of fathers want to spend more time with the family while research tells us the most stressed men are those who work full time and regret not having sufficient hours to "father". Men too are now ensnared by the myth of "having it all".

However, there are genuine reasons for optimism that modern fatherhood is in much better shape than pessimists claim. For some men, the pressure to be the main breadwinner, for positive and negative reasons (such as unemployment), is easing. Women are better educated; more are in paid employment and a growing number are earning more than the man in the family. The number of full-time dads who are the sole carers of their children is growing. In the US, social change is having an impact on advertising. Dads are wielding influence with advertisers to challenge their portrayal of men as blundering, amateur baby handlers. Instead, they are rightly and effectively demanding equal rights, for instance, in nappy expertise.

Society adapts when lazy stereotypes are challenged; traditional expectations are jettisoned and consumer interests respond to different economic patterns. Today, women provide, men parent isn't a threat. It's a welcome signal that roles may be interchangeable and both parents are vital to a child's wellbeing. So, here's to a very happy Father's Day!

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Bedtime blues: how to get children to sleep

'Sleep is one of those areas where the line between -normal and abnormal can blur,' says Professor Gringras. Photograph: Andy Hall

So this is where you come when nothing else has worked. Light, airy rooms; soothing pastel colours. A?spectacular view of?the river, the Houses of Parliament.

How to sleep easy, an audio lesson to help you overcome sleep problems, from sleep experts Sleepio

Download Now

You sleep on a comfortable fold-down couch. Your child sleeps next to you, in a hospital bed, attached to 20 leads and sensors. A microphone records every sound; an infrared video?camera observes the scene.

Next door, in the morning, technicians will analyse the data collected through the night: brain activity, eye movement, air flow, carbon dioxide level, leg movement, snoring volume.

This is where people come when they have tried everything and their child is still not sleeping enough, or not well enough: Hotel Sleep at the Evelina children's sleep disorder service, Guy's and St Thomas's hospital in London.

An astonishing number of parents – about one in five – do not think their children are sleeping as they should. We are talking, says the service's director, Professor Paul Gringras, about "a very general dissatisfaction".

But it is a long way from that dissatisfaction to the beds of Hotel Sleep. First, what constitutes enough sleep – and normal sleep behaviour – covers a very wide range.

From the Avon longitudinal study, which has followed the health and development of 14,000 children in the Avon area since they were born in 1991 and 1992, we know, for example, that the average one-year-old sleeps just more than 11 hours each night.

"So some mothers will be tearing their hair out because their child is only sleeping nine hours, others if theirs are sleeping 13 hours," says Gringras. "Both are normal. They fall inside the bell curve, within what is expected. There are short sleepers and long sleepers."

It may be more useful, he says, to just look for changes in the sleep pattern of an individual child: "If that changes – if they are waking more at night, there's a sudden change in how long they sleep, or physical signs such as poor growth – that would be a sign of something to seek advice about. But sleep is one of those areas where the line between normal and abnormal can blur."

It is also the case that a "huge proportion" of sleep problems in young children are essentially behavioural, Gringras says. By which he means: "If a?child falls asleep on dad's lap, sucking a bottle, with him stroking their hair," he says, "then when that child wakes up during the night – which all children do, perfectly normally, several times each night – they won't go back to sleep again unless they're on dad's lap, sucking a bottle, with him stroking their hair."

The take-home lesson? "Don't do anything at bedtime that you are not prepared to do five times a night, including at 3am." Which is, of course, easier said than done.

But with determination and a?favourable wind, most sleep-related behavioural problems can eventually be cracked, Gringras says. The trouble is, not all parents have the determination and not all winds are favourable. "When you've got two parents and two children in separate bedrooms, it should normally be doable," he says. "Sadly, what's more common might be a single mum, sharing a bedroom with her kid, and the neighbours have threatened to apply for an Asbo because of the crying. That's not so easy."

It is important to resolve, though, because sleep is vitally important – particularly for children. "Not only do we consolidate memory and learning when we sleep," says Gringras, "but poor sleep impacts on areas like growth, immunity and blood pressure. It's no exaggeration to say that, every day, research is linking another area of?physical health to sleep."

Professor Paul Gringras: 'Don’t do anything at bedtime that you’re not prepared to do five times a night, -including at 3am.' Photograph: Graham Turner for the Guardian

Some of the strongest effects of sleep – or lack of it – are in learning and behaviour. Gringras cites a fascinating study by an Israeli clinical psychologist, Avi Sadeh, who took a class of 80 10-year-olds and measured how much, on average, each child slept at night.

He then asked the parents of half the children to encourage them to go to bed an hour earlier than usual and the other half an hour later, for the next three days. The children did computer-based learning tasks – designed to reflect classroom-based behaviours, learning and achievement – before and after these small bedtime changes. The results were startling.

"There was a very, very clear difference between the two groups," says Gringras. "The differences in neurobehavioural function were equivalent to those acquired in two years of learning." In other words, those who slept less than usual found themselves two years behind their classmates – after a matter of days.

Even more intriguingly, similar studies have shown that ADHD-type behaviour appears in many of such sleep-deprived groups. Unlike adults, Gringras says, children who are tired will not only never say so, but "will seek stimulation to stay awake. They'll bounce off the walls, get labelled naughty. Some researchers believe a proportion of ADHD-like problems could be down to sleep issues."

Lack of sleep, or poor sleep, can have other consequences on children's development. "If our sleep is fragmented, or we get too little," says Gringras, "we produce more ghrelin, but less leptin – it's thought that these changes will drive our appetite for carbohydrate-rich foods. We are seeing an explosion in numbers of severely obese children.

"They have breathing problems, their sleep is fragmented. Although they may appear to sleep 10 hours a night, in the lab we see they actually wake up 50 times an hour. And so they are hungry. Sleep is part of a vicious cycle that drives obesity."

Gringras also sees a lot of children seemingly welded to their screens. The trouble with screens – TV, computers, consoles, mobile phones, tablets – is that our sleep patterns are governed by light and hormones.

When natural light starts to dim at the end of the day, our pineal gland produces a hormone called melatonin, which triggers the body clock to "open the gate that allows us to sleep," Gringras says.

Unfortunately, exposure to bright light – which includes most screens, however small – will halt the natural production of melatonin and so prevent sleep. Telly just before bedtime, half an hour on Facebook or similar, even a spot of under-the-bedsheets texting: all will prevent sleep.

"I increasingly see in the clinic children who are effectively switching off this sleep hormone by exposing themselves to a bright light source – particularly the blue-green spectrum from computers and TVs," says Gringras. "Even a very brief exposure – two minutes – towards the end of the evening can put sleep off by as much as two hours. A computer screen will do it if you sit close enough. Smartphones and tablets are just as bad: smaller screens, but you hold them very, very close to your face."

Sometimes, parents come to the clinic to ask for melatonin on prescription. "It's not uncommon to discover that the child has a 46-inch TV screen at the foot of the bed. In cases like that, we can only say sorry, no can do," says Gringras.

It is not just the child who suffers as a result of inadequate sleep. A child not sleeping well can have an impact not just on the individual but on the whole family. Generally, families come to Gringras because their child is either not falling asleep, is behaving abnormally – waking up, suffering from night terrors, sleepwalking or talking – during the night or seems abnormally tired during the day.

Noisy night-time behaviour, such as headbanging [a silent, rhythmic bashing of head against pillow], is more common than people think, affecting 6% of young children (but only 1% of 12-year-olds, so it does get better) and actually a sign that a child is sleeping very deeply. But it can disrupt the whole family.

"Get it right, and there are far wider benefits," says Gringras. "The whole family can be transformed. Parents are less tired the next day: dad may be less likely to have a car accident, big sister may get the sleep she needs to do well in her GCSEs. Good sleep can have an impact way beyond the individual."

1. Create a good bedtime routine and environment

‧ No screen time (TV, iPad, smartphone, laptop) for at least an hour before bed.

‧ Wind down properly (bath, book, time with Mum and Dad).

‧ Good blackout blinds.

‧ Good bedtime expectations ("We expect you to stay in your bed, and if you do we may even reward you").

‧ Soft, continuous-play music often works; it masks traffic and sibling noise, and if they go to sleep to music they will go back to sleep to it too.

‧ If the child demands a nightlight, it should be dim or red. The brain is not so sensitive to red light.

2. Encourage "self-soothing"

It is perfectly normal for a child to wake up four or five times in the night, but they should be able to "self-soothe" – go back to sleep on their own. "Concentrate on what children need to get to sleep at the beginning of the night, and remove everything that won't be there when they wake up in the middle of the night." So:

‧ Cuddle by all means, but not until your child falls asleep.

‧ Sit and talk, but likewise.

‧ Break any association between milk or food and falling asleep.

3. Behavioural problems

‧ Nothing beats a sleep diary. Both parents should write down what they do when putting the child to bed each night, and when trying to get them back to sleep. Simply writing it down will allow you to realise the patterns that have developed, and you will often be able to solve the problem.

‧ Cold turkey, or less dramatic variations on it, is harsh but invariably effective. If you're strong enough, simply leave your child to cry; Gringras describes sleep units in Australian hospitals where trained nurses are on hand specifically to help mothers not to go in to their crying babies.

‧ If you can't do that, opt for a more gradual approach, spending a little less time with your crying child each night.

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Tim Dowling: it's the music festival season

Music festival season is under way and the band I'm in is suddenly in demand. If I'm not at a 50th birthday party on a given weekend, then I'm out there on the road, travelling from gig to gig or, as my wife puts it, "ruining summer".

Everywhere we play, word of our branded tea towels precedes us. It's one thing to be appreciated for your innovative merchandising, and another to be upstaged by it. Supergrass, I'm told, used to do ironing board covers, but they didn't let it define them.

On an overcast afternoon at Bearded Theory in Derby, the fiddle player and I are examining the schedule taped to the tent flap. We're on after a skiffle band. And before a skiffle band. The band presently on stage, we learn, is called Wall Of Skiffle. A man in a?high-visibility vest approaches us.

"You have a lot of skiffle bands playing," the fiddle player says.

"It's Skiffle Saturday," the man?says.

"Is it?" the fiddle player asks. "But?we're not a skiffle band." During the intervening silence, the man's walkie-talkie exhales fuzzily.

"Are you the ones with the tea?towels?" he asks.

The next weekend at the Lechlade festival, strangers are tweeting me before we go on, asking if we've brought tea towels. Afterwards, people buy them two at a time. They even ask us to sign them, as if we'd invented drying up.

"I think the ink might come off on?the dishes," I say.

"I don't care!" says a man with a?pen.

The next weekend holds both a?festival and a 50th birthday party. On the morning between them, I?drive alone from one to the other, exhausted and harried. The satnav voice and I do not agree about the best way to get to the M5, and I feel he is taking advantage of my frailty in order to push his agenda.

"Take the second exit," he says.

"Fine," I say. "It's going to make us late, but whatever."

Wychwood festival is in the grounds of Cheltenham racecourse, and after a few wrong turns I find myself at the box office, having a?wristband attached. The pass for my car says "main stage". As I am guided round the edge of the car park by a series of stewards, I see the stage looming above a line of trees. It's enormous. A man I will later discover to be CBeebies Mr Bloom is?a tiny dot at its centre.

One last turn takes me into the heart of the festival, down a fenced track running along the rail of the course. Ahead of me I can see the back of the main stage, and an enclosure parked up with huge tour buses and sleek black lorries.

"You have arrived," the satnav says.

"You're telling me," I say.

I pull up alongside a final pair of stewards, a?man and a woman, and roll down my window.

"Hi," the woman says. "I?know?you!"

"Hi," I say.

"Why do I know you?" she asks, wringing her hands with excitement.

"I don't know," I say.

"It's your face!" she says.

"Is it?" I glance at myself in the rear-view mirror: red eyes behind smudged glasses, ashen cheeks, scrubby beard. I look like a recently released hostage.

"Are you on the telly?" she says.

"No," I say.

"Yes, you are!" she says. "I?recognise you!"

"Honestly," I say. "I'm not."

"What's your name?" she says.

I?tell her.

"Oh," she says. Her face goes slack with disappointment as she extends one arm. "It's just that gate there."

"Sorry," I say.

The tea towels, meanwhile, have gone to a second printing.

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Maternity wards close 1,000 times a year to expectant mothers, figures show

Figures obtained under freedom of information laws show that 66 NHS trusts closed their doors at least 1,795 times in 2011 and 2012. Photograph: Christopher Furlong/Getty Images

Maternity wards are shutting their doors to expectant mothers more than 1,000 times a year, figures suggest.

Thousands of women have been forced to travel up to 65 miles to find an alternative ward or give birth at home due to staff shortages and a lack of beds, according to information obtained under the Freedom of Information act.

Data obtained by the Sunday Telegraph shows that 66 NHS trusts closed their doors at least 1,795 times in 2011 and 2012, while 40 did not close at all. With some returning figures for only part of that period and 34 not responding, the paper says that the actual number of closures is likely to be at least 2,370 during the past two years. Trusts reported 1,309 women being directed to other units, which the Telegraph says equates to 1,728 across the country, although, with many not keeping records, it estimates the true tally is likely to be substantially higher.

In January, the Royal College of Midwives warned that maternity services across the UK were at a "tipping point" because the NHS has 5,000 fewer midwives than it needs to cope with the rising number of births. Women in England had 688,120 babies in 2011 – the most in 40 years.

The Telegraph said in most cases a lack of beds or "capacity" was cited as the reason for closures, which typically lasted several hours at a time and sometimes saw wards shut for several days.

At Leeds teaching hospitals NHS trust, units closed 353 times in 24 months at two hospitals, although the trust said it ran an integrated service between its two maternity units and when one unit closed patients were sent to its other site, two miles away.

A spokesman said: "The number of times we have closed the whole service is low - just four times in the last two years.

"Since early this year we have started to triage all women before they arrive at the hospital through our maternity assessment centre. "When they report possible labour, we advise which delivery suite is currently taking admissions so that we match availability of beds and midwives to the needs of the women coming into hospital, ensuring the best support for them."

An NHS spokesman said women were directed to another unit when one was approaching capacity in the interests of patient safety.

He said: "This might only be for a short period of time to safely respond to peaks in demand. It is a carefully managed process which is in place in the best interests of mum and baby.

"During pregnancy, a woman will have detailed discussions with their midwife who will explain about the various birthing options available and scenarios like this where it might be more appropriate to go to another unit."

The spokesman said there had been a long history of a shortage of midwives but the NHS has 800 more midwives than in 2010 and a record 5,000 midwives are in training who will qualify over the next three years.

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Carers struggle to exercise lasting power of attorney

Jarina Choudhury cares for her mother Jubeda but sorting out legal issues just adds to the stress. Photograph: Richard Saker for the Observer

The number of unpaid carers in the UK, who shoulder the responsibility of looking after a frail, ill or disabled friend or relative, stands at 6.5 million, and is set to rocket in the next couple of decades, according to figures from Carers UK.

"We estimate that it will hit 9 million by 2037 as a result of our ageing population, and the fact that people are living longer with disabilities and long-term health conditions," says Steve McIntosh, policy manager for Carers UK. "More and more of us will need help and advice to cope with the pressures caring puts on our careers and on family finances."

The number of carers providing free support has already climbed by 600,000, or around 11%, in the past decade. This hidden army, which saves the nation a staggering ￡119bn each year, is the focus of Carers Week, starting on 10 June, which is a partnership of nine charities aimed at increasing awareness of the emotional, physical and financial impact of taking on this role.

Carers often find their income takes a hit if they have to give up work or reduce hours to look after a loved one, as well as tackling a range of other financial considerations. "These include arranging payment of household bills for the person they're caring for, applying for financial support and benefits on their behalf, or managing their different bank accounts, pensions, savings or debts," says McIntosh.

Increasing numbers of people manage a relative's financial affairs if they have lost the capacity to do so themselves. There was a rise of almost a quarter in the number of powers of attorney registered with the Office of the Public Guardian in the year to April 2013, at around 246,000, compared to 199,000 the previous year.

Lasting power of attorney was introduced in October 2007, replacing the previous system of enduring powers of attorney (EPA) – although an EPA created before October 2007 is valid.

These are legal documents that give a trusted person authority to manage your affairs, and are designed to be recognised by financial institutions, care homes and local authorities, as well as tax, benefits and pension authorities.

However, using these powers can prove stressful and frustrating alongside caring responsibilities, as Jarina Choudhury, 40, discovered. She took on enduring power with her sister in June 2005 for her mother Jubeda, 67, who suffers from Parkinson's disease.

"My sister had the foresight to think about what might lie ahead, and put this in place," she says. "Mum was still fairly independent at the time, and able to take care of her own financial matters, but I'm glad we didn't wait until crisis point."

Last year Jarina was advised by Barclays to exercise her powers after the family had trouble getting a cheque cashed to pay for care.

However, it took many months for Jarina to be granted access to her mum's account. "This has been hugely difficult to implement," she says. "It was actually a blessing that I was made redundant from my post as development manager at a national youth charity a few months ago, as I've needed this time between jobs to sort the financial side out."

She was asked to provide ID for Jubeda – and this led to more hold-ups. "Mum didn't have a valid passport, or a driving licence," she says. "I was told by Barclays head office that her local branch would accept her blue badge for disability parking, but then, when I went in for an appointment, they said it was not an acceptable form of ID. I took the power of attorney document into the bank with me – but they never asked for this, which was confusing."

She adds: "I understand banks want to protect against fraud, but this can create so many barriers for those acting with integrity who face many layers of bureaucracy. It took such a long time to get things sorted – from March last year to April this year – but we had to get access to the account, which mum's disability living allowance is paid into, to pay the nursing home bill, among other caring costs."

She only managed to resolve the issues by getting hold of the branch manager. "Generally, though, banks aren't moving with the times, and I found that staff weren't trained when it came to dealing with carers," she says.

A spokesman for Barclays says: "It is evident that, on this occasion, we have failed to meet the expectations of our customer, for which we apologise.

"We have found that more and more people need to arrange POAs and, having listened to the needs of our customers, we aim to make this a quick and easy process and have a specialist dedicated team that can help."

While setting up an LPA doesn't automatically smooth the process of managing a bank or building society account on behalf of someone else, new guidance announced in March should help.

The British Bankers' Association (BBA) has put in place a framework so that banks and building societies have a consistent approach to help the industry clean up its act, along with a leaflet to help consumers.

It is wise to seek advice and information to prepare for the practical and financial challenges of caring sooner rather than later – not least because the person you are caring for needs to be able to assign you LPA.

"It's useful to have discussions around these issues with family members upfront to get things in order, and to know the point at which these powers may need exercising and what someone's wishes would be," says Lucy Harmer, head of services for charity Age UK.

"There might be issues around mobility, for example, as when people start to lose this, then shopping or dealing with day-to-day finance can be hard – there are lots of reasons to put power of attorney in place. If you don't, then relatives may face delays and expense in applying to the court of protection to get access and take control of your assets and finances."

It costs ￡130 to register an LPA, while anyone on means-tested benefits, or who has an income of less than ￡12,000, can get an exemption or reduction.

These documents are not just for the elderly, as younger people may become incapacitated through accident or illness.

There are two types of LPA: one is a property and financial affairs LPA, and another covers decisions about healthcare, known as a personal welfare LPA. The former can be used while someone still has capacity to make their own decisions, whereas a personal welfare LPA can only be used once they have lost this.

An LPA must be signed by a certificate provider – a solicitor or someone else of your choosing – who certifies that you understand the LPA and have not been pressurised into signing it.

The government's care bill, now being debated in Parliament, is set to bring significant changes – including new rights for carers, along with the introduction of a cap of around ￡72,000 on the sum people have to pay towards the costs of long-term care.

Michelle Mitchell, charity director general at Age UK, says: "The reforms in the care bill will also see carers able to access advice from local councils to help them find and buy care services, which is a big improvement as many families simply do not know where to go for the most basic information.

"They will gain a right to have their needs as a carer assessed along with the person they are caring for, which could allow better access to respite services. However without proper funding we fear that local authorities will struggle to cope with a greatly increased demand for assessments."

■ Contact Carers UK adviceline on 0808 808 7777, or go to carersuk.org. You can call Age UK advice on 0800 169 6565, or visit ageuk.org.uk

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How much should you help your child get a good start in life?

James Caan, the government’s social mobility tsar, with his daughter Hannah at an event in London last year. ? Photograph: Richard Young/Rex Features

The government's new social mobility tsar, James Caan, was accused of hypocrisy last week when the former Dragons' Den star said parents should leave their children to make their own way in life, only for it to emerge that he employs one of his daughters and the other works for a recruitment firm he part-owns.

Caan's later protestation that parents instinctively protect and promote the interests of their children resonated widely. But how much help should parents give their children? Does intervention help or hinder? Helping a four-year-old learn to read is universally accepted as a good thing, though some feel it is going too far to write or edit a teenager's personal statement on their university application form. And with youth unemployment at 20.7%, leaving 958,000 16- to 24-year-olds out of work, many rely on the bank of Mum and Dad while they take unpaid work experience or internships.

Primary schools generally welcome parental involvement, but secondary schools view it with suspicion; some insist that coursework that contributes to an exam be done in school to prevent parents doing it.

There are as many theories as to whether extra help assists a child's development as there are tips on parenting. But a recent study found that undergraduates with a history of parental overinvolvement had higher levels of depression and anxiety. The research by Holly Schiffrin, of the University of Mary Washington in Virginia, found that these students felt incompetent compared with their peers and less able to manage life and its stresses. But many parents, whether of pre-school children, adolescents or young adults, find that conclusion unpalatable.

The Observer spoke to five parents about the help they give their children.

Anne Heald, 58, is an accountant and lives in Bristol with her husband Edwin, also 58, a civil servant. Their son Philip, 21, moved back home last week after finishing a degree in international politics and military history at Aberystwyth University.

Anne said: "Hell would freeze over before I stopped trying to open doors for my son. I would do anything in my power to get his feet on the employment ladder."

Not only have both parents been actively involved during his school and university days, and found him work-experience placements, but they are now altering their home to give him his own place to live and financing his job hunt.

"Philip is at home now. We are going to try to separate our lives so he lives in the basement to ease the passage into coming back. He's been away for three years, and it would be hard for him to come back into our home as if he never left. He's coming back to live at the 'bank of Mum and Dad'.

"The reason he returned home is he is having a tough time finding a graduate job. He'd work at anything, I think, as he has no idea what specific field he wants to go into. He gets good career advice from his university, on how to write covering letters and his CV, but that isn't enough to get him a job. He's not tied to Bristol because his parents live here – he would move anywhere in the world. He's only living here because it doesn't cost him any money. He's trying to get any job possible at the moment, but it is still in its infancy."

Anne said that, while the job hunt is not going very well for Philip, she is confident he has, and has always had, the support from his family necessary to help him find his feet in life.

She said: "We are encouraging him to do his own washing and cleaning. He will be living with us, but not be with us all the time. I don't even plan for us to eat together every night. Of course, I'll cook him dinner if he asks me to, though. I don't want him to be tied to my apron strings, but I do love having him home.

"The important thing for Philip is getting a graduate job in a good company. If it was in Outer Mongolia, I would support that." Anne has helped her only child get vital work experience. She said: "I can be quite ruthless promoting my son, wherever I can.

"Last summer he got a work placement with Wells MP Tessa Munt, and because I know a canon at Westminster Abbey I made sure Philip got in touch with him. I also made sure our local MP, Stephen Williams, knew that Philip was on a placement.

"If there were any opportunities for Philip through my working experience and contacts, I will try to put him in touch with the people that might help him.

"I draw from my life skills and experience to make my son more aware of the adult working environment he's trying to step into. Financially, we will support him wherever necessary, as long as he is trying to stand on his own two feet.

"We will buy him his first car when needed. There's nothing shameful or wrong about giving your child a leg-up in life, no matter how old they are. I'll still be helping Philip, if I think he needs it, until the day I die."

Katharine Tustian from Blindley Heath, Surrey, works with pre-school children and does not believe she is bright enough to help her daughter, Alice, 15, with schoolwork. But she did go to considerable lengths to find the state secondary school that would give her the best start in life.

'I'm not well-educated and don't have a high level of intelligence, but I know people who do," said Katharine. "I knew children who were likely to prosper because their parents were in high-powered jobs, so I found out where they went. I have sent her to a school where parents have high expectations of their children.

"I know doing after-school activities is a benefit to your child's wellbeing, so I encourage that." Alice does gym club, cheerleading and air cadets. "Helping with homework, no. Because to be honest I can't do it."

Had Alice struggled with maths, she might have hired a tutor. "I think she is going to get through on her own merit, without me pushing. I shall just do the encouraging. We expect that she will go to university, but I don't sit there and do the work for her. I did read to her every day until she was nine, however."

Single mother Nicola Taylor, 47, lives in Preston, Lancashire, where she works for a security company. Her son, George, is 16. She has always devoted as much time as she can throughout his school career to helping him.

"I would do anything I could to help George. He's the most important person in the world to me," said Nicola.

"George knows I don't have a lot of money, but I do whatever I can do to help him. I have been saving for two years, so finances would not be a problem if he decided to go to university."

She said she has always been on hand to help with his schoolwork, and if he needs her help in future to get a job she will do whatever she can.

"If he wanted to go into the security industry, I would speak to any one of my contacts necessary to get his foot in the door.

"But I would never dream of just giving him a job. Instead, I'll introduce him to anyone I think could help him, and if need be I'd give him a little shove in the right direction."

'I'll help, but I won't do her homework for her'

Jon Mills, 37, is an office manager from Bristol. He and his wife Ruth, 39, have a five-year-old daughter, Jane.

He said: "I help Jane all the time with her homework and times tables, but I would never do her homework for her. That's not how I want to raise my child.

"We try to involve teaching and learning in everything we do with Jane. It's not just about homework, it's about talking about numbers and words whenever they come up.

"I'll always help her when she goes to secondary school and through to university, if she wants. But I'll never just do her work for her.

"What I try to do is help give her the tools to understand things, rather than giving her the answers. I try and show her how to find the answer for herself, and that won't change as she gets older.

"It will make her a stronger person, more able to make decisions for herself.

"I would be honoured if she chose to do the same career as me, and I would help her in any way I can.

"But before I let her make any decisions that would dictate her career for years to come, she would have to be sure that she was making the decision with her eyes open."

Reverend Glyn Evans's daughter Abbie, 20, is studying biology at Sheffield University, and he says he would always look to give her fair opportunities.

The 54-year-old vicar, from Newcastle-upon-Tyne, said: "It is just about giving opportunities to everybody, isn't it? My experience has been that most kids don't want a hand-up.

"What parents are trying to seek for their children is a fair playing field with people they are competing against. You have to give them a fair crack of the whip. It's a difficult balance."

Glyn added: "My dad helped me get contacts in school when I was trying to become a teacher, and I don't think that was wrong. People in the police force have been sacked for doing that kind of thing, while people in businesses seem to do it a lot. I think if business these days is such a competitive industry, sometimes using your contacts is the only way for your kids to find work.

"It is one thing giving them an opportunity that they grow into success – but it is another just handing it to them on a plate.

"I don't necessarily think it is right or wrong. It's about giving your children a fair chance."

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Sleeping beauty: the teenager who sleeps for days

Sleeping sickness ... Gemma Garfirth, 17, who has the disorder Kleine-Levin syndrome, and her mother Mandy. Photograph: John Robertson for the Guardian

Some say it's the condition that locked Sleeping Beauty into her long slumber: but Kleine-Levin syndrome hasn't been in any way a fairytale for Gemma Garfirth and her family. She has had the condition, which is characterised by long periods of sleep followed by strange behaviour, for two years. Gemma, 17, has snoozed through lessons, parties and even a week-long camping holiday. "When she's in what we call an episode, she tends to sleep solidly for three days and nights," says her mother, Mandy, 42.

"I can wake her up for maybe 10 minutes to have some food, but it has to be absolutely ready or she falls asleep before I can get it to her.

"Then follows another four days or so when she's really odd. One time she woke up and insisted she could only speak French; another time, she kept playing DVDs back to back."

Gemma's first experience of KLS was frightening for her mother. She was recovering from a chest infection and?suddenly seemed confused. "She was adamant that she'd sent text messages she hadn't sent, and then she?started being hyperactive and silly," says Mandy.

She phoned NHS Direct and was told to call an ambulance. By the time it arrived, Gemma was lying on the floor saying her arms and legs didn't move any more.

At A&E, staff were sure that Gemma was on drugs, says Mandy. "I knew she wasn't, but they were certain. They took her away on her own to question her, expecting her to admit to having taken illegal substances. But, of course, she didn't. And I said, why not test her for drugs? In the end they did, and the tests were negative."

As Gemma fell into a deep sleep, a battery of other tests followed. "It was incredibly worrying – it could have been a brain tumour," says Mandy. "But everything came back negative."

Meanwhile, Gemma had woken up and regressed to the behaviour of a pre-schooler. "When she wasn't asleep, she was calling me Mummy again and wanting to sit on my knee and sing nursery rhymes," says Mandy.

But to the family's surprise, Gemma was discharged – staff told Mandy they couldn't do anything for her. "I was really unhappy at having to take her home in that state," says Mandy.

"But then a few days later, in the blink of an eye, she came out of it. She just changed, instantly, back into her normal self again."

Mandy says she felt ecstatic to have her daughter back but was terrified it would happen again. And a month later, it did. After a third episode, Gemma was referred by her local hospital in Wellingborough to the John Radcliffe hospital in Oxford for more tests – and for the first time the family heard about KLS.

"There are only about 40 people with it in the UK and only about 1,000 in the world – typically, adolescents are affected," says Mandy.

She is a single parent who also has a 13-year-old son, Liam. They were all relieved to have a diagnosis but anxious about how far-reaching the condition would be. Though Gemma had only experienced week-long episodes – still the case – doctors said they could last for up to six weeks at?a time. There is no known cure for KLS and although Gemma will almost certainly grow out of it eventually, it?could take a decade or more.

The effect on Gemma's life has been enormous. "I never remember anything about being in an episode, but now I've had so many – 14 so far – I?recognise the signs when I'm going into one. I feel a bit different and I know what's coming: it's really upsetting and frightening, and I cry a lot because I know I'm going to be plunged into sleep and I don't want to be. I'll be missing lots of things – sometimes a friend's party or a concert, or something I'm involved in at school."

When Gemma is on the verge of an episode, says Mandy, the family go into lockdown. "We can't have anyone else in the house: after three days sleeping, Gemma tends to come out of it slowly and her behaviour at those times is very strange – she is sometimes aggressive and she swears. It's absolutely not in character and it would be horrid for her for anyone else to see her like that.

'I also worry that she might get out of the house and on to the street if she woke up in a disorientated state, so I keep all the doors locked. It means life is very difficult for Liam – he can't have his friends over, and I can't do anything with him because I have to concentrate all my efforts on looking after Gemma," says Mandy.

On top of all the other worries, Mandy fears she is facing redundancy because of Gemma's illness. "I work as a sales co-ordinator and I've been called in for a disciplinary hearing because of all the time I've had to take off," she says. "According to Acas, I'm entitled to the time because Gemma is my dependent, but I'm not hopeful about how it's going to work out in the long term."

Equally devastating has been the effect it has had on Gemma's schoolwork. She managed to get 13 GCSEs – three A stars, four As and six Bs – but by the time she took her first AS level exams earlier this year, all the school absences had taken a toll, and she got a U and two Ds. She's currently resitting the exams, hoping to get better grades.

"It's really hard to plan things because I don't know if I'm going to be awake or not," she says. "At school?my friends know and teachers?know, but it's still very hard for them to understand what it's like. Once?I?fell?asleep during a maths lesson and my mum had to come into school and?the teachers helped to carry me to?the?car."

The cause of KLS is unknown; some think it's an auto-immune disorder, others that it's a malfunction of the part of the brain that regulates sleep. "I had to wear a special watch all the time that monitored my sleep for six weeks," says Gemma. "What they could tell from the results is that I do?have generally disturbed sleep and?don't go into a normal deep sleep?as often as I should."

She now takes sleeping pills in the?hope of regulating her sleep pattern but, says Mandy, there's no guarantee it will change. "The likelihood is that this will be with us for a long time and?it's going to dominate her life through the next few years. Given that?these are crucial years, it could really change how her life works out," says Mandy. "All we can do is cope with?it on a day-to-day and week-by-week basis; but it is deeply worrying in?terms of what it means for Gemma's?future."

‧ More information: kls-support.org.uk

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Can women really restart their career after quitting work for children?

Women often find their old job has changed or disappeared altogether when they go back to their old employer after having children. Photograph: Mark Edward Atkinson/ Mark Edward Atkinson/Tetra Ima

Premieres, 12-hour days and trips across the Atlantic were the usual weekly fare for Kath McDonald, 41, who nine years ago worked in the film industry. Her clothes were by Vivienne Westwood and her makeup was "the poshest". "It was hard work, but I was good at it and valued, they certainly didn't want me to go and it was all promises of 'there will always be a job here for you' and 'come back whenever you want'."

But after leaving to have her first child, those promises were broken. "I took 16 months with my daughter and then went back to see my old company. It was the start of the recession, people were worried.

"My old boss had moved on and the place was full of bright-faced young things who looked at me as though I was a mad dinosaur. I had a rethink and decided to have another baby and then perhaps retrain, but somehow it all just slipped."

She now cleans houses while the children are at school and is terrified of the future. "I have to get back to work, but it's really scary. I went for an interview at Marks & Spencer and practically had a panic attack. I used to phone up Leonardo DiCaprio and now I'm in rubber gloves in other people's toilets."

This spring singer Lily Allen dubbed her return to the stage after four years off a "mumback". "I've had two kids, and as much as I love that, I'm never going to be the sort of person who sits at home all day playing with plastic toys," she said.

Last week, Ruby McGregor-Smith, chair of the Women's Business Council, said Britain could create employment for many of the 2.4 million non-working women who would like jobs over the next five years if flexible conditions were embraced. She said women should not just be trying to fit in to the economy but "be shaping it".

Gaby Hinsliff, a former Observer political editor who quit to spend more time with her son in 2009, was chairing a debate at the Mumsnet WorkFest this weekend. She said: "Alpha-returners like Allen are increasingly coming back not just into any old job, but into decidedly stellar careers."

Hinsliff interviewed several women she said had "bounced back" and points to McGregor-Smith, who had an 18-month career break, and Professor Margaret Rayman, who had 17 years out before going back into science and making important breakthroughs in nutrition. Hinsliff said: "Nobody's pretending this kind of comeback is easy. Everyone I interviewed struggled at first and the best advice for exhausted parents tempted to give up work is to try going part-time if you can, and keep your options open."

But can a woman who leaves her career to have children really expect to get back into the workforce at a similar level? "No," said Alexa Kerr, a careers development consultant who runs First Focus Consultants. "I think really pretty much that's universally understood. Everyone has to accept that things will not be the same."

McGregor-Smith and Allen are not the norm. Kerr said that confidence and selling yourself were the key tricks to getting back into work, but both of those were qualities that women who had been at home with their children were likely to have lost.

"Our focus is on boosting confidence, how you give yourself the pep talk, how you understand that your emotions might be all over the place. But it's also about learning to say no when you do go back. Because when a woman is effectively being a housewife they'll be doing it all, and when they go back to work then they need some help sharing that load. You need to be supported.

"There are several different levels here, the mum who has taken maternity leave and goes back, maybe to the same job or to the same organisation but a different role. Other mums have been out for a longer period of time and they will be going back into an industry where technology has moved on and they have to re-establish themselves. They're the ones with the greatest fears," she said. "But you have to look at your skills and as a mother and repackage them to an employer: it's all about how you sell yourself these days."

Career consultants told mothers to remember how they spoke to their own children, she said. "They build their children up, they have to do that for themselves."

The Mumsnet conference in London heard from speakers who aim to help mothers find the crucial path back to work. "Career clinics" and consultants are becoming increasingly popular among mothers, many of whom find it a daunting prospect to find their way into fulfilling jobs.

Justine Roberts, the co-founder and chief executive of Mumsnet and mother of four children, said: "The idea of WorkFest is to provide help to those looking to go back to work or to reshape their working lives after a career break. Sometimes what's needed is a bit of inspiration and the confidence to know you can build a successful career after a break."

Roberts, who worked as an economist before having children, said she wanted the event to be a catalyst for women but also wanted other employers to recognise that a bit of flexibility could go a long way in keeping the right people. "I wanted Mumsnet to be a business that recognised an essential truth for many parents. Work is important but family comes first. Over the years I've hired many parents who have chosen to work flexibly – either part-time or from home part of the time – and who otherwise might have left the workplace. As a result, we've found some great people. And in this world of 24/7 access Mumsnet and increasingly all businesses need a flexible approach to thrive."

The recession and the resultant cuts have hit women hardest. The Fawcett Society estimates that by 2015 the average mother who is raising children alone will have lost the equivalent of one month's income per year.

Unemployment among women rose by almost 20% between 2009 and 2012, compared with 0.32% among men. In the workplace, women on maternity leave find themselves made redundant before worse-performing male colleagues. Childcare costs are keeping others at home or in part-time work, where perhaps one of the most telling statistics is that 54% of women are employed below their potential. In FTSE 100 companies, 17% of directors are female and women are outnumbered four to one in parliament and five to one in the cabinet.

Pay and pension divides remain. The pay gap between men and women in full-time work is 10%, in part-time work 34%.

Even the highest-flying career women can find a radical shift in their standing when they have children. Katie Powell was a corporate executive for more than a decade. At 23, she became the youngest-ever director at Cable & Wireless. She orchestrated the launch of Thomson Reuters, a brand now ranked 34th in the world by Business Week. But in 2010, while she was on maternity leave with her daughter Molly, her role was moved to New York. "I think I was a bit naive. I ran a big team. You have this illusion that you can pick up where you left off but when I returned all the roles I was offered involved a lot of travel. Having a baby is an incredible journey, but you go back into the workplace and all of a sudden you go from this senior role to a career full stop."

Powell left Thomson Reuters and launched Mama Jeanius, a maternity jeans business, in 2011. She also has a small interior design consultancy and runs them both around the needs of her two children.

"Affordable childcare and flexibility are clearly the big issues. Giving women the right tools. I think we need to embrace working from home. Childcare costs too can cripple households. There's a lot of women who are working literally for nothing by the time they've paid for childcare."

But equally, said Powell, employers needed to do more. "As an employer myself I am not bothered where people will be as long as they do an exceptional job. Women need to be flexible and workplaces have to help."Our generation of women are very much those who hold the notion that we can have it all but we have our own problems too in that we have to be on the go 24/7. It takes a lot more effort and discipline and organisation."

She warned too that going it alone after having children wasn't always the right move: "The answer isn't always to set up your own business either, as that is incredibly demanding and you may have to put in far more hours than as an employee. You can plough everything you have into something but many startups go out of business in the first couple of years. I was very driven to continue my career, to have another outlet to my life that wasn't just children, so that is a key motivation and women need to think carefully about whether or not they have that."

Lorraine Candy, editor-in-chief of UK Elle, a mother of four and another of those supporting the WorkFest, echoed Powell's sentiments at the event, tweeting that flexible working was "invaluable to your business".

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Rural towns with no young people? Under 45s can't afford to live there

Shops in Uckfield are increasingly catering to the elderly. Photograph: Katherine Rose for the Observer

The question draws a hoot of laughter, sometimes a snort of derision. Asking young families if they own property in Uckfield, East Sussex, is unfailingly dismissed as absurd.

"It's absolutely ridiculous, virtually impossible for young families to buy around here," said Kayleigh Waters, a mother with one child, who has lived in the rural town all her life. She says that even though she and her partner have drawn up a five-year plan to get on Uckfield's housing ladder, both remain sceptical. "We're saving up for a deposit, but whether we'll ever get a mortgage remains to be seen," said Waters, who has rented accommodation in the town for eight years.

Her friend, mother Kerryanne O'Keefe, 32, added: "There's just no way we can afford to buy. We're stuck in a rut." Between them, they know of only one family in their peer group that has bought a home in Uckfield, and that was six years ago.

Their dilemma is increasingly common among young families hoping to settle in the British countryside. Last Tuesday, a report by the National Housing Federation (NHF) found that rural areas are witnessing an exodus of people in their thirties as escalating house prices outstrip incomes. The number of people aged 30-44 has dropped nearly 9% in the countryside over the last decade, while numbers rise in urban areas.

Wealden district council, which includes Uckfield and surrounding villages, was found to have the highest exodus of young families in the south-east, with 13% having moved out over the past decade.

In Uckfield itself, estate agents highlight reasons behind the shifting demographic. In Freeman Forman, branch manager Robin Smith said that the average age of the first-time buyer was 36 and that young families were spending years saving to get on the ladder, a proportion living with their parents as they attempted to raise a deposit. Further along the high street, estate agent Mansell McTaggart reveals that just 3% of sales are to young families, observing that people often retire here from London, which is only 40 miles away.

House prices in Uckfield remain relatively robust, bucking the national trend. The price of good-quality houses in good locations matched prices at the height of the housing market in 2007, said Smith. The consensus among Uckfield estate agents is that properties have outperformed the local average.

In the past year, house prices in Uckfield were 9% up on the previous 12 months, according to Rightmove, more than six times the rate of property price rises in the south-east of England, where the annual rate of price growth is up to 1.4%. Detached homes in Wealden regularly fetch more than ￡500,000, compared with the national average of ￡324,602. The dynamic can mean that young families from Uckfield find it better value to move to London, with its salary weighting.

Although amenities associated with young families, such as schools, are not yet closing, despite the difficulties for young families, some say the high street is catering increasingly for the elderly.

Christine Ripley, 79, born in nearby Newick, lamented the loss of "more frivolous shops geared to the young", while Marguerite Johnson, manager of the Uckfield Preservation Society, noted the higher age of shoppers but said that it was difficult to quantify.

The UHF report found that the number of over-65s in rural areas had risen 2.5 times faster than in towns and cities, with Philip Day, senior negotiator at Mansell McTaggart in Uckfield, confirming that retired people make up a significant proportion of the market.

For the young families hoping to gain a foothold on the property ladder, the prospect is as far away as ever. Ben Fairman of the long-established butcher's, JF Bishop Ltd, rents a three-bedroom home for ￡1,000 a month for his partner and two young children.

The 25-year-old revealed that he had been saving for five years to get a foot on the property ladder and said many friends had given up. "Some mates have moved to more remote rural areas where it's a fraction cheaper, some have gone to London and between 30% and 40% still live with their parents," said Fairman, who has worked at the butcher's since he was 18.

Student Tom Harper, 23, said he did not know of anyone of his age who could consider buying in the area. One factor, said Day, was that many young families were trapped in a vicious circle that meant they faced a choice of paying ever higher rent or buying elsewhere. "People are renting and trying to save for a deposit, but a lack of housing means that more people want to rent, pushing up demand and prices." The Duke Letting company said that around 80% of its renting clients were young families.

It's not just those looking to get a start in the property market; young families hoping to acquire social housing in Uckfield are also struggling to live where they want. Martha Mayes, supervisor at the town's Citizens Advice Bureau, said that a lack of social housing was compounded by a loss of benefits. Some young families, she added, were offered temporary accommodation almost 20 miles away in Eastbourne. "The only people who don't seem to be affected are the over-65s," she said.

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